Roxas, a Box, and some Soap
by CyberXIII
Summary: Xion is a lot of things, but she isn't a Mary Sue. Here's a one-shot with a ranting Roxas explaining why at a KH convention. Rated T for Roxas's foul mouth.


Quoted from KMA on Gamefaqs: "_She's just easy to dismiss. She's unnecessary. She's emo. She's stealing the spotlight. She's a sloppy retcon. She's a Mary Sue. She's basically any negative thing you can delude yourself into believing. And it's pretty easy to do that, because we know so little about her._

But, no. She's not unnecessary. She's a major part of the story. She does volumes for Roxas' characterization, not to mention the Organization as a whole. She's a driving force in the plot. A much-needed breath of fresh air. A new factor in the equation, and quite a fulfilling one, by the looks of things.

And, no. She's not emo. Her anguish is genuine. And she's really not so depressed to begin with. We've seen her perfectly happy plenty of times already.

No, she's not stealing the spotlight. She's the Kairi to Roxas' Sora. A motivation, a driving force, and a key to the story. But still nowhere close to the main character.

No, she's not a retcon. She's an addition to the story. One does not have to equal the other.

No, she's not a Mary Sue. She's not excessively pretty. She's not super-talented. She's not flawless. She's not an avatar for the author. She's not some twisted wish-fulfillment fantasy. She's not the subject of endless purple prose. And she doesn't disturb the current canon.

Fact is, Xion's a character like any other. She probably has a few flaws in her writing, but she has a lot of sweeping triumphs, too. Just like Sora, Roxas, Axel, or anyone else, she has her ups and downs. Not some amazing miracle. Not some unforgivable sin. Just a character, like the others."

One day, in the year 2020, at a Kingdom Hearts convention somewhere in the United States, the characters all decided to show up.

Why? Why not?

To give you a better synopsis, here's some backstory:

In this story, Sora, Riku and the rest are actually movie stars in the style of Hollywood, here called Square-Enix.

* * *

The main protagonists decided to come to this convention to make a speech concerning a particularly hot-button issue.

Xion. Sora and Roxas were coming to a Kingdom Hearts convention to talk about her.

The "fans" RIOTED in the streets. They refused to believe this! Of all the things they had called this convention for, those two wanted to talk about their whiny friend!?

Inconceivable! How dare that forgettable bitch even show up in the company of characters like Demyx or Zexion!

Everyone who heard the news immediately made plans to go, regardless. Some went to bash Xion. Some went to bash Sora. Some went to defend either character.

Lastly, a small group just went to watch the fireworks.

Sure enough, a horde of fanatics fans had gathered inside the convention center. Petty bickering from both sides, along with not-so-veiled insults from both detractors and defenders raged from the linoleum floor to the tiled ceiling. Chaos reigned in the building.

After two hours of this, the fighting fans noticed that Sora and Roxas had already walked in.

The fans immediately quieted down and rushed to their seats.

Roxas stood up, and walked up to the podium. He adjusted the mike, tapping it for a moment, before staring at the script explaining his topic. Instead, he tossed it to the side before glaring at the audience. Blue eyes blazing with righteous fury, Roxas screamed at the audience.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Silence filled the room. Roxas stared at the horde of shamefaced nerds and continued.

"First of all, I am not gay, neither is my brother Sora, his friend Riku, and everyone else in the cast."

"Secondly, my brother Sora is not an idiot. He graduated from Harvard with full honors and a degree in Metaphysics, something that none of you seem to be able to understand either."

"Thirdly, the next fool who says Xion is a Mary Sue gets a Keyblade to the face."

No one spoke, until one brave fool (Cosplaying in an Org uniform) in the back shouted "SHE IS!"

Sora materialized his keyblade, leaned back, and threw it with surprising accuracy. The aforementioned blockhead was promptly nailed between the eyes and fell over with a thump.

Roxas paused while his brother lost his temper, then continued as if nothing happened.

"Seriously, Xion is a lot of things, but she is not a Mary Sue."

"Common Mary Sue traits include perfection, as in a perfect, infallible fighter. Xion is not. She is, at best, barely equal to my character in strength, and that's only through parasitizing his own strength to fuel her own. In a sense, that's a personification of what an actual Sue (Like Morlun or Eragon) does-they drain away the spotlight and focus from the good characters in order to make themselves look better. "

"Secondly, Xion can't possibly be a idealized, perfect author avatar. She's either ignored or despised by most of the other members, especially Saix, who sees her as merely a "doll". Xemnas sees her as a tool to manipulate and possibly replace Roxas. She's beaten —by her best friend, no less—to death, and this is after finds out she's an opposite sex clone of someone else. What kind of sick bastard hates himself that much?"

Elsewhere, Hideaki Anno sneezed, then took another pill and went back to sleep.

Roxas seemed to be standing taller now as he got into the full swing of his speech. Taking a cue from Xemnas and his siblings Xehanort and Ansem, Roxas spoke authoritatively with gestures to illustrate a point. Unlike the others, Roxas toned it down some.

"While she's important to the plot, she doesn't hog the spotlight either. She's merely an important character in the plot, and a driving force behind my character's motivation to leave the Organization. To use that same logic, Axel or Riku would be Mary Sues too."

"Saying she's emo is like saying no one is allowed to feel sadness about what happens to them. She's a twisted copy of someone else, and borrows someone else's strength in order to fight. Worse yet, she knows this, and her anguish drives her into insanity. That's believable; imagine if you found out you were merely a corrupt, horribly mutated copy of another person. People will cry and feel anguish sometimes over far less. If the grief something like that would cause labels her an emo, then I guess everyone on the planet is one."

"Besides, she seemed incredibly happy when we—

KABOOM.

One fan, angry beyond reason with how Roxas was defending the Sue, decided that now was a good time to try and throw something at him. Sora, who seemed to be serving as a bodyguard to his brother, lifted his Keyblade and shot the dope with a Firaga spell. The imbecile fell back, cartoonishly blacked but otherwise unharmed. Roxas paused.

"Anyone else wanna be a hero?"

No response.

Roxas smiled. "Good, that's what I thought."

"Now for another point:

Retcon: retroactive continuity. Xion doesn't change anything about the plot that we knew after KH2. This does not mean that she is a throwaway character either. Take her out of the overall plot, and my character would never have left Org. XIII, Xemnas would have eaten a completed Kingdom Hearts, and regained his true memories and power so as to become a godlike being. Her purpose in the story is to give me the drive needed to leave the Organization, like I said before. Axel was never the reason I left, and fangirls (and occasionally the ignorant) love to paint him as some misguided saint. He wasn't! He was a merciless assassin and a backstabbing traitor before I showed up, and even then Axel was willing to kill me in order to save his own hide. I still like Axel and would willingly do anything for him, but I am under no illusions as to whom and what he was. To think otherwise is a great insult to his development as a character.

"Speaking of character development, Xion isn't a flat character either. She gets much more believable development that say, Demyx, who is, AT BEST, an apathetic loser that only is interested in playing with his sitar. She's better than Luxord too. We didn't even hear either of their names in KH2, only in Jiminy's Journal. The ONLY reason they're more popular than Xion is that they don't have breasts.

"Speaking of which, here's my last point. The vast majority of Xion haters are those lonely yaoi fangirls that just want to see two girly-looking dudes kissing each other. You know who you are. You hated Xion's sisters Kairi and Namine for the same reason.

"Sora and Kairi love each other dearly. DEAL WITH IT."

"Riku is straight, but has yet to find a love of his own. SUCK ON THAT TOO. Just because two guys fight side-by-side does not mean they want to start fucking each other."

"The Organization? Straight. Oddly, the only guy you could be unsure about is Marluxia, and he was boning Larxene behind the scenes. Axel and I do NOT like each other like that. Just because he was my mentor does not make him a damn pedophile!"

Roxas looked uncomfortable.

"God, that was disgusting to say…"

Roxas turned green for a moment, before he regained his usual pale color and continued."To most of you that try to defend her, thank you. To those of you that think she's there to enable the Axel/Me ship, THINK AGAIN."

"Here's a good test: ask a typical hater why they hate Xion. If they give any of the above reasons, ask them to give more detail about why that makes her a Mary Sue or a hateable character. If they keep repeating that she's Mary Sue, then they have no real defense and you can say that you've won the argument."

"To conclude, you people need to get a life, seriously."

Roxas stepped down from the soapbox he was preaching on, and, along with his brother, made his way to the back door. The blonde paused for a moment, then turned to his audience with one last statement.

"Oh, and the Xarmy Sue thing? NOT FUNNY."

He slammed the door off its hinges, and was gone.


End file.
